Operation Purity has been aborted
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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