I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
