I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
