Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
