I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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