Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
