Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
