omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
