sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sext me about skeletons
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
