Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
did i walk over a car last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
