idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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