i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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