I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
