I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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