if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
