3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
