i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
