I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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