she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
