You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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