I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
