we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
