so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sober January is a disaster.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
