I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
