You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
