Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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