Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
