i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you never un-have a 4some
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
