He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
