somebody snuck up and got me drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
