YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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