1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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