I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
