You made me cry and you don't even care
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
