I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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