dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
