A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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