I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
