dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
