i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
