The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
