is your mom at the bar?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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