I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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