It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
