i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
