Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
