I skipped work to stalk him.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
