Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
