sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
