her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
