He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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