remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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