last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
