My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
