Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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