I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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