I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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