I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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