never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
