You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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