I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
