Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
