this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
