Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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