I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
