Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
