stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
